For most of my life self introspection is not something I much paid attention to. I was never a very self aware person.

But I had (and have) views about many things. I generally looked at an issue and tried to see it as this is right, this is wrong. I do that less now — I think more in terms of this is useful, this is not useful. That brings with it it’s own set of problems.

Thinking in terms of this is right and this is wrong has a major accompanying problem and that is of course what is right and wrong is personal, contextual and, in the end, often irrelevant. I am talking about questions like whether a particular author is funny or not, whether a restaurant serves good food or not type of questions. Of course we all know there’s no right or wrong about in such situations but it’s not uncommon to hear stuff like — “you didn’t like that???!! That’s crazy, it was brilliant.” That makes no sense.

It’s not difficult to see that tastes and preferences can vary widely. Icelanders consider rotten sheep head a delicacy and I can only imagine what my cousin in West Mambalam in Madras would think about that.

Even on other subjects such as who is a good politician or a good businessman or just a good human being opinions can vary a lot. One would think Bill Gates and Warren Buffett would be widely admired but there are those who genuinely feel that these gentlemen are conspiring to takeover the World. Discussions on such subjects are often meaningless because all it means is hurling your truth against someone else’s truth in a never ending battle. I can go on but of course someone will point out that I am wrong and in all situations there has to be one correct view and one incorrect view and discussion, debate or argument is the way to determine that. I can only say that there are no truths there are only beliefs. Of course my belief is the truth for me.

This realisation has gradually reduced my inclination to argue. One of my favourite quotations is “ A wise man once said …. Nothing.” I had this as my status on WhatsApp for a long time and many of my friends liked it and agreed with the sentiment. Keeping quiet on issues is however not easy or natural, at least for me. And expressing opinions to others will very often invite discussion and debate which is not fun, most of the time. There was a time when arguing about things was considered great fun but in recent times I find that discussions have become more unpleasant. Either I have changed or the way in which issues are discussed has changed.

In any case that presents a prickly problem — if I keep quiet there’s peace and time is saved but I feel there’s something unsaid. And if I express my view it’s not good manners to not let those to whom I express my views express theirs in turn. And if I just talk to myself without an audience it might alarm my wife and she might think that the kind thing to do is get me certified and locked up.

Many years (decades) back I used to edit an investment magazine. The publisher was indulgent and allowed me to write editorials on any thing which caught my fancy. So although it was an investment magazine I wrote on politics, ethics of whatever took my fancy. And I copied the editorial style of the publisher/editor of Business India in signing my
editorials with a flourish. This was the part of the job I enjoyed the most. Not too many people read my editorials I think as I got feedback only from a couple of people. One was my fiancée’s mother (my mother-in-law now) who read them with interest and expressed some appreciation. Not an independent critic I think but a generous one. My proof reader was an eighty year old Parsi gentleman who had fought in the Second World War in Europe as part of the Allies troops and knew four languages including French and Spanish. He read one my editorials about politicians without courage titled “Of mice and men”. He came up to me and asked me what the title meant. I talked to him about Hemingway’s book by that title. He was completely unimpressed. He said — look I didn’t understand it and if I didn’t understand it most of your readers won’t understand it. I told him that’s ok. Those who are interested will look it up. The editorial stayed as it was.

I never knew whether I wrote well or badly and didn’t care much. I enjoyed writing the editorials too much.

Here I found the obvious solution for my predicament— how do I express myself (something I like) without debating the issues with other people (which I find pointless)? — I would write a blog.

Now and Zen is the outcome of that thought and if you happen to be reading any of this you know why I wrote it.

Often writers provide a reason why they have written something. I think it was Jerome K Jerome who wrote in his preface to “Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow” that books are often written with the objective of entertaining or elevating the mind of the reader. The author frankly declared that his book would not elevate the mind of a cow.

Likewise I know there are many people who will have, or claim to have, better understanding of the subjects I will write on. That’s great and they should share that with whoever may want to listen to them. Or not.

I don’t expect anyone to read what I am writing — I am writing for my pleasure and may write now and then on various topics. My primary objective in writing is to express myself without boring those around me with my thoughts. I am sure my wife and friends will be relieved !